Less than ten minutes into my favorite movie About Time, Tim, the movie’s main character finds out that he, like every other man in his family before him, can travel through time. His father makes him take a minute to really think about how he wants to use this newfound superpower and Tim responds in his adorable British accent:

“Well, to be honest, I suppose, at the moment…it would be just great if it could help me get a girlfriend.”

His dad sighs. “Wow…massive.”

“Yeah…the mothership,” Tim replies.

Tim narrates: For me, it was always gonna be about love.

And thus begins the driving force of the movie. (It’s delightful. Give it a watch on Netflix.)

Love.  

The mothership. 

That is how we view romantic love in our world today, isn’t it? I’ve watched The Bachelor franchise for the better part of the past decade and time and time again people describe what they are looking for as “big love.” Nothing small for me, please. I want the BIG-DEAL-MASSIVE-MOTHERSHIP-LOVE. And like Tim and all the people on reality TV, we dedicate so much time and energy to getting it.

In a lot of parts of the world, romantic love is put on this pedestal, made into an idol. We begin to believe that without it, we hold no value. But if that were true, you’d have no value until someone in your life has romantic feelings for you. And then you wouldn’t know you had worth unless they told you. See, this breaks down very quickly.

And yet.

We hear about how impactful romantic love can be everywhere we go. We applaud men for simply jumping over fences for women. The Church preaches that you become MORE sanctified in marriage and that having children is the best thing you can do. We hear that there’s nothing remotely wrong with romantic love- it’s considered pure and brave and noble.

I’m one of the most romantic people, and I don’t buy any of this. My favorite movies are romcoms. I’ve match made several married couples who are now having babies. I catch every bouquet, and
I
still
don’t
buy
it.

To me, “the mothership” isn’t romantic love.  In American culture, it’s more commonly accepted that you will express romantic love with one partner in your life- that seems to be considered the most noble expression of love here. But that’s only one person! There’s a bunch of other people in your life! Even if you have a gaggle of kids, there’s more love for you to receive outside of your family. And more love for you to give.

We really downplay every other kind of love in our society.

What about all of your friendships?
What about mentors?
What about people who look up to you?

You need all of those relationships to be a healthy person.

More importantly, what if your experience of love has been so twisted in your life that you are awful at loving and receiving love in the first place? Then what? Will you ever get to experience “the mothership”?

I have good news.

The real BIG-DEAL-MASSIVE-MOTHERSHIP-LOVE is the love of Jesus. I see the longing for it in every single person every single day. It’s the only love that can heal your deepest wounds and transform you into the type of person that gives and receives love freely and with much joy! Without the transforming love of the God who saves, you will be unable to love well- romantically or otherwise. All of it will be temporary, vanity, destined for failure again and again. Small love.

But Jesus’ love- which loved us beyond what we deserve, did it ALL for us in that he died so that we could LIVE. His resurrection love frees us to love with abandon, knowing that we are covered in the never ending love of God. It is so romantic. So worth our time and energy.

The mothership!

My thesis is this:
You are already so loved and lovable.
You already have access to an overflowing well of the most exciting love that exists. 
With Jesus you can love and be loved with freedom. 

So we don’t have to chase romantic love as hard as we do.
We can embrace the different stages of our lives at all times.

For the next several weeks, I’m going to be sharing more encouragement and truth about singleness. I have lots experience in this field, but I also have a lot of experience with all kinds of love. I want to help equip and send people out to live full, free lives, and for us to love each other radically.

I’m excited to share how singleness can be so exciting, a picture of our truest communion with God, and the chance to experience things you never thought possible!

Part Two here.