Last time I wrote, I had a WHOLE idea of what the following months of my sabbatical would look like. I was about to spend a month with a family I had only just met, go on a trip to Hawaii with my best friend, watch Denver bloom green into springtime, and continue to get fit and healthy.

I did in fact get to live with that family for a bit, although not for the entire month. And Katie and I did go to Hawaii for the most bizarre and stressful girls’ trip of my life- the U.S. was beginning to shut down right as we arrived in Waikiki. When I got back to Denver a little earlier than planned, I promptly decided to pack up my things and head home for however long the stay at home orders would be in Tucson and Denver. So, I missed Denver’s transition from snow to gorgeous shades of green and instead snuggled into a desert winter to springtime season for my quarantine.

It’s like I got to experience two completely different sabbaticals. Maybe even three now. Getting away to Denver, I was able to make loads of friends in those first 5 weeks and visit my friends that are already here. I made money working at barre3, and I lost 10lbs without much effort on my part. It turned out that I didn’t even have to pay rent for the time I was here! I was living my sabbatical dream.

But around mid-March, everything went haywire in the world and in my life. My roommates/tenants back in Tucson let me know that water was coming up from the laminate floors in the middle of the house. So, from the phone, while on my way to Honolulu, I got a contractor out to my house to find the leak and fix it. It cost me quite a bit of money, but what else was I to do? By the time the pipe was fixed and things were dry, my contractor wanted to wait until quarantine was over to patch up my torn apart kitchen.

So the decision for me to come home and handle things was a good one. The tenant renting out my room while I was away had to return home to France, so my bed was free and waiting for me. I packed up all my stuff, slept only two hours because my mind wouldn’t quiet, and drove the 13 hours straight to Tucson the next day. It was surreal to be home after being gone for several weeks. I fought the temptation to feel self-pity and defeat, that my sabbatical had failed. People even asked me if I would get to extend my sabbatical, as if the pandemic had paused it or something.

No.

I even felt a little weird, being at home, doing almost nothing, trying to limit grocery store trips and not hugging my roommates. But April was a blast. I did nothing to repair the mildly damaged flooring in my kitchen, figured I would take care of it later. We planted a garden of vegetables and some sunflowers. We danced, sang, and watched so much reality television. We laughed a lot, celebrated Easter, and camped in my backyard. I hammocked a lot. When it started to get hot, we escaped to Mount Lemmon. I had some virtual dates and took some other romantic risks (although nothing fruitful has come of them yet). Essentially, I got to have my dream scenario- Spring at home in Tucson, with my favorite people, not having to work at all. Just cooking, doing home projects, and soaking up the simple things. I stayed virtually connected to my friends, kept in touch with my Denver Bible study, and learned to embrace at-home workouts once again.

And then the end of April came with more plumbing issues. If you’re my friend on Facebook, you know what happened. My roommates’ toilet was leaking water into their hallway and bedrooms underneath the flooring. So I filed a home insurance claim and had a revolving door of professionals roll through my house for a couple weeks. I had my contractor return to finish his job, and that led to a domino effect of other plumbing and A/C troubles. All of a sudden, I was having to make countless financial, strategic, and home improvement decisions for my household. My quarantine went from #SabbaticalBGgoals back to Bridget, the Independent Boss Lady in Charge. It was stressful. So, I endeavored to DIY replace the flooring in most of my house with the help of my roommates and a couple of friends. The insurance covered most of it and I had some generous people give me a little extra, so I only ended up having to cover about $25 of it myself. Give or take.

It was wild.

And as I was reflooring my home, I was praying. Praying that God would provide. That he would address the issues in my heart that these high stress situations bring up. And I prayed asking if he would let me return to Denver for the summer. Again, I didn’t know how it would all work out, but I threw away the control and the knowing back in March.

The same day I told my roommates that I was waiting on God and listening if he wanted me to stay in Tucson or send me back to Denver, a Denver friend reached out offering her place for me to live for part of the summer!

And that’s where I’m writing from right now. I’ve been back for over a month and I’ve been enjoying the weather and the neighborhood I’m living in. A couple weeks ago I returned to barre3 Denver and although our procedures are MUCH different, I am so glad to be back. This city brings something alive in me- maybe it’s all the green, or the massive trees, or the smells and the fact that it’s just not that hot. I’ve lost another 10 pounds or so since the end of April, with a little more work on my part.

I’m getting healthier and trying to milk these last couple of weeks of sabbatical for all they are worth. I’m resisting my urge to be productive over creative or restful. I’m giving myself space to play and explore my heart and the dreams God has given me. I went camping this past weekend! And in the rain no less!

I’ve been engaging more deeply in self-education about American history, racism, and theology. God has continued to make silence and solitude a theme for me to press into. He’s also painting a beautiful picture for me of what a life with Him can look like, fully releasing me as His Bridget. I have a clearer sense of the things I am passionate about and good at and the things I am not, and need to stop forcing.

It’s still tricky being a single woman in ministry- even when I’m on sabbatical oddly enough. I don’t know if it will ever be easy. There are so many costs to me choosing this career that feel deeply personal. But I also think it would be costly for me to choose a different more “conventional” path for myself. I’m still pretty convinced that I am built for ministry. I just have to figure out a Bridget way forward that honors who God made me to be, instead of functioning in my old patterns.

It’s going to be a new season and I am a bundle of diverse emotions about it! Keep me in your prayers. God really made the most of this season for me. He prepared many places for me and provided for me in ways unimaginable. He was merciful to address heart issues I would have otherwise ignored. He gave me opportunities I didn’t even know I wanted or needed. It has been an abundant time indeed. But that’s life with Jesus! Always full to overflowing.